its been a while i hasn’t pen down my thoughts…been rather bizi lately with some stuff…be it work or personal…i’m bizi throughout…but nevertheless, i manage to get in touch with some long lost frenz tho…its great to know that they are doing well…
my topic above…matter of the heart…ain’t it ironic that where matter of the heart is concern, we tend to loose ourself in the world of Love…wat i mean is that, we are so overly in love that we tend to forget who we really are…sometime even for love, we had a misunderstanding with some of our frenz…we tend to ignore their presence and swayed away with the love that comes by…which i think is not right…
lately i’ve been in a denial state…its difficult for me explain whats has been bothering me since…i kinda lost in my own world sometime…i was searching for something which i know that i could not get…even tho how hard i wanted it, its definately way out of my reach…i tried to cast away all the unwanted thoughts but its really difficult until i have to go into drastic thinking…yea…the denial state…i kept reminding myself that the way that i tought is not right…i kept telling my mind that he is not for me…and he can’t be mine no matter how badly i want him…
i maybe a Leo…a Leo who could speak its mind…and be outspoken…but sometimes a Leo can’t reveal whats on their heart and mind to others…its just not right…i maybe outspoken sometime but i’m way too introvert to some extend tho…i tend to keep my feelings to myself…and when others could read whats on my mind, i tend to deny it altogether…yeah…i’m afraid of rejection…but i kinda confuse rite now with regards to my feelings…why of all the people, he is the one that i think off each time when i’m lonely, when i’m sad, when i need someone to cheer me up…why i can’t think of others…and when i get to know that hes attached, its kinda demoralise tho…but on the other hand its better that way…at least i’ve not reveal my feelings to him which i will never reveal my feelings to any guy tho…never!
i’d rather suffer the agony den having to confess wats my feeling is to him…cos i don’t want we fall apart just becos of my confession…no way! lets just put it simply that, i’d rather keep tat frendship den broke it up due to some silly confession…frendship is the most priceless thingy that i have…and i’m not willing to let it go…relationship can be broken anytime when both can’t communicate well or lost of trust but frendship last forever cos the communication and trust are well intact in the first place…thats the important aspect of a frendship…communication and trust…
i know i’m hurting myself deeply inside…but if thats the only way that i could salvage our frendship, i’d rather take the hurtful way and be as per normal as possible…yeah i may be faking it with regards to my feelings but the frendship will always remain true…
Allah pls guide me thru the right path…if possible i wish to forget the thoughts of having him by my side…i dun wanna be hurt…and i dun wanna endure this feelings again and again…it really hurt…it do till now…i wanna run away but i can’t…cos hes everywhere near me…i dunno…i really dont wanna endure this again… :’(
am i being born just to make others happy? why can’t i have the happiness like the rest? why do i have to suffer in silence? why i don’t have the courage to confess about it? why do i have to be hurt again and again? and why is it has to be me? why why why…so many question but i just can’t find the right answer…
why do i have feelings in the first place…isn’t it wonderful if i’m one heartless person…and i won’t be in this dilema… ;”(
confuse.sad.min~
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