my topic above…matter of the heart…ain’t it ironic that where matter of the heart is concern, we tend to loose ourself in the world of Love…wat i mean is that, we are so overly in love that we tend to forget who we really are…sometime even for love, we had a misunderstanding with some of our frenz…we tend to ignore their presence and swayed away with the love that comes by…which i think is not right…

lately i’ve been in a denial state…its difficult for me explain whats has been bothering me since…i kinda lost in my own world sometime…i was searching for something which i know that i could not get…even tho how hard i wanted it, its definately way out of my reach…i tried to cast away all the unwanted thoughts but its really difficult until i have to go into drastic thinking…yea…the denial state…i kept reminding myself that the way that i tought is not right…i kept telling my mind that he is not for me…and he can’t be mine no matter how badly i want him…

i maybe a Leo…a Leo who could speak its mind…and be outspoken…but sometimes a Leo can’t reveal whats on their heart and mind to others…its just not right…i maybe outspoken sometime but i’m way too introvert to some extend tho…i tend to keep my feelings to myself…and when others could read whats on my mind, i tend to deny it altogether…yeah…i’m afraid of rejection…but i kinda confuse rite now with regards to my feelings…why of all the people, he is the one that i think off each time when i’m lonely, when i’m sad, when i need someone to cheer me up…why i can’t think of others…and when i get to know that hes attached, its kinda demoralise tho…but on the other hand its better that way…at least i’ve not reveal my feelings to him which i will never reveal my feelings to any guy tho…never!

i’d rather suffer the agony den having to confess wats my feeling is to him…cos i don’t want we fall apart just becos of my confession…no way! lets just put it simply that, i’d rather keep tat frendship den broke it up due to some silly confession…frendship is the most priceless thingy that i have…and i’m not willing to let it go…relationship can be broken anytime when both can’t communicate well or lost of trust but frendship last forever cos the communication and trust are well intact in the first place…thats the important aspect of a frendship…communication and trust…

i know i’m hurting myself deeply inside…but if thats the only way that i could salvage our frendship, i’d rather take the hurtful way and be as per normal as possible…yeah i may be faking it with regards to my feelings but the frendship will always remain true…

Allah pls guide me thru the right path…if possible i wish to forget the thoughts of having him by my side…i dun wanna be hurt…and i dun wanna endure this feelings again and again…it really hurt…it do till now…i wanna run away but i can’t…cos hes everywhere near me…i dunno…i really dont wanna endure this again… :’(

am i being born just to make others happy? why can’t i have the happiness like the rest? why do i have to suffer in silence? why i don’t have the courage to confess about it? why do i have to be hurt again and again? and why is it has to be me? why why why…so many question but i just can’t find the right answer…

why do i have feelings in the first place…isn’t it wonderful if i’m one heartless person…and i won’t be in this dilema… ;”(

confuse.sad.min~

oh well…forget bout it…been not into myself lately…kinda having this weird feelings inside tho…its hard to explain but its really makes me miserable…thinking bout some things which i’m not suppose to think…i mean…maybe i’ve been deluding myself all along…maybe all along he was never the one that i should think off…i dono…but the more i try to 4get the more it seems that hes near but far from me…and hes everywhere…which kinda makes me suffocating sometimes…

now in his FB hes change his status as “in a relationship”…i’m not sure whether its true or not but anyway if its true den its good that hes finally found the one that hes been looking for…all the best to him…and it makes my life lots more easier of forgetting him totally …

as for work wise, now not that bizi…only need to do some ad-hoc tingy and preparing for the financial yr closing soon…den after that have to entertain the ever pain in the arse auditor!!! ahakz…hate it when they come…banyak tanya stoopid questions ajer…but before tat kana do the fixed asset tingy…boringg ajer…tapi okei lar…only checking jer…dont need to do the report part…slamattt!!!~

looking forward to the end of feb and early march…hahaha…i’m on long leave bebehh~~~ yeahhhh!!! i’m soooo lovingggg ittttt!!!~

^_^~

we were so close yet so far…i accompany one of my frenz go smoke but i did not go in the smoking area cos kenot tahan the smell arh…so i wait outside like a security guard…den rite…he walk pass me and stand just opposite me where the real security guard is there…i froze for a while…hehe…i shy lar wanna approach him…hehe…

than when he start to perfom again, i just sit there and enjoy his performance…but right, i do realise that he keep looking at the direction where i’m seated…or is it just my imagination? hahaha… macham paham ajer ako…but i guess he surely got lots of admirer…his looks, his eyes, his voice, hmmz…no chance for me…hehe…but i like him anyway…

anyway, i’ve decided to forget the guy that i’ve lost touch for 2 years and suddenly get in touch back for good…i presume its him that thoth been talking about…so yea…manage to let go of him and gonna totally forget about him and focus on two tingy…loose weight and be on same par as “him” and mit “him” again soon…after i got lots of courage tho…hhehe…

no harm right if a gal start to make small conversation to a guy that she like…like only mah…not as if i’m gonna sound him steady…wait long2 lar for any commitment…not interested at all…

min on cloud nine…pls dont take it away*

as much as i would like to forget him, its as much as hes everywhere into my life…why must he get in touch with me after so long?

i just wish this feelings will fade away soon cos i dun wanna carry any extra baggage into my life…its suffocating…

i’m contemplating to throw away my citizenship and migrate to other country where i don’t need to bother about anyone… haizzz…

if only i’m alone in this world…i would surely go with my guts feeling and just do it…

hmmz…as usual been buzy lately with work work work and more work…practically my life, this few months, revolve ard my work only…sleeping time, think about work, wake up, think about work…can become crazy like tis…super stress super depressing everything is super at work…but than, i guess thats the only way i push myself to do better…and to think of it, i really put pressure on myself…geeezzz~

tomorrow have to do monthly journals and tomorrow is the dateline! but luckily its only 4 journals only…before lunch i can finish it…must motivate myself to do it! yes i can! heheee…

now i’m super paranoid at work…everyday got calls…apart from tat i have to reply to emails, do my other payments, etc etc…wah piang ehhh!!! bo pian sey…i have to force my mind to work fast and accurate…if not i will be blur like sotong…hahaha…

i think i’m gonna continue with my studies…what u think eh? hehehe…

yesterday event was a blast! tak rugi i turun helping my frenz ard…but yg tak best part is i have to wake up early! aiseymen…weekend usually, i’m not an early person…tapi…oleh kerna…darul mawa punyer pasal, i set alarm n wake up at 6am…macham time nak pegi weRk dah! hhehe…but its okei…for a good cause wat…

i mit kakita at wlds interchange with yan and along the way mit abg mail oso…went to office n had lite breakfast…den after everybody had arrive, we proceed to darul mawa naik lorii!!!…best giler~ hehe…

arrive at darul mawa ard 11+am like tat…had a lil walk ard there…and the kids! superrr cuteee larrrr…especially the 3yr old gal…she is cute!den, i presume ard 12+…didicazli arrive! hueuheuhue…he looks great in person den on cover album…really…tak beydek arh…i can see that hes down to earth…macham very humble g2…his attire for the performance pon tak glamour g2…its a santai theme…which suits the occasion very well tho…

apart from didicazli launching of his 2nd album, theres performance by Fino…its great to see local artist could sing so well secara live…nice nice, love it many many….:D and the best part, got darul mawa idol…and i especially like one of the kids there sing…his name is taufik…got a nice voice and guess what…he wonnn the senior category and gonna fly to KL with didicazli to record a song @ M Nasir studio Luncai Emas! gerek seyyy…

The most tarching part is whereby when the show end…taufik sang rela ku pujuk as a closing ceremony with the rest of the kids…can’t help it to imagine that despite their unforseen behid the scene problems, they put a brave front to be happy and enjoy the event…move me to tears but i manage to hide it…paisey lar cry infront of people…but i noe my eyes red…hahaha…cengeng betol ako!~

After everything had ended, we pack up and clear everything…ard 7+ like tat we move from darul mawa…den we proceed to dinnerrrr!!! abg mail n azrin treat us…thanks bosss!!! hehehehe…dah makan dah kenyang balik larrr…n thanks azrin for sending me home all the way to jurong…kat carpark lagik…tenkiu so much…appreciate it even tho its out of the way from ur homey…macehh bosss… :D~

thats the story of my wonderful, tired , sticky but happy event…even tho its hard weRk, but as long as i’m happy, i dun mind…its not always i get to go to this event, so every opportunity that came thru, i’ll grap it…its the people ard me who make my gateaway a happy event…thanks guys…u all are great…perangai macham ako gak, biolz…hehehe…loveee euuu alll~

looking forward to any event that comes by…dun go without me okei guys…hehe…

~min_love_clubjazz~

okei…what i’ve been up to lately…friday, as usual after work i go home straight…and sleep early till i forgot about my Teh session with my lovely frenz…sowwi abang…:x as for sat, i laze ard with my family…after i manage to clean the whole house, i relax and watch tv with them…macham syiok like tat…

and on sunday…we manage to go visiting at my late dad and late grandma grave…cleaning a bit here and there…and u know what, that was the calmest place to be when u wanna ease some of ur tension…really…try larz…

and today, monday, Hari Raya Aidiladha, as per normal practise to my family, we pay a vist to my grandfather house…with some of my aunties and uncles came by too…as usual, noisy!!!…but of cos, if theres any festival or occasion, our family will get together at my grandfather place or each other place…whichever organise it lor …

and the best part…tomorrow have to work…and yeah…bizieness as always…and weekend got lots of things to do…arghhhh!!! have to attend one of my relative wedding in Malaysia…kana stay overnite somemore…but dono if its confirm or not cos need to discuss with my lil sister…den on top of that saturday going out with my mom and with one of my aunty buying some stuff for my lil sister wedding…ermm…bizie rite? hehehe…

anyway, 9 Dec 08, gonna be my late dad 10 years death anniversary…everything about him, is forever in my heart…love him the most…and missing him always…

its been quite a while huh~…hehe…oh well…can’t find the right time to write anything tho…but now it seems that i’ve got something to share…about some lil kiddy stuff… :p

if i’m not wrong, its been quite a few month since that fateful incident happen…to think about it, i din’t know that , when i start to join in the fun, literally some people in irc took it too hard tho…HE thought that i’ve gang up with one of HIS enemy into joining HIS affair or arquement with my frenz…as i say, i was just joining the fun at the wrong time and wrong place i presume… :p

anyway, HE got effected with that…cos when HE start to flood the channel, i start to pban all HIS stupid bnc…which is a nuisance to me cos there we were chatting and there HE and HIS stupid stuff playing havoc as if nothing else to do like that…

i was told that HE was not suppose to touch the PC for 5years and if the authority do catch HIM with that, HE gonna get serious trouble…oh well…i can’t be bother with this childish tingy but i do contemplating of doing something do…who knows…i might do something out of sly…which i’m good at anyway…hehe…

well, when a Leo is being held ard the corner, a Leo can do serious damage without the intended person knowing…don’t ever disturb a calm Leo cos the outcome will be a mass damage…a damage that people will remember thruout their entire life…i may be good to people but once people trying to bring me down, or even trying to hurt me, be rest assured that i give them much more worst than they could do to me…but of cos…i will definately do it the legal way…cos i’m a Law abiding citizen and i won’t taint my reputation for a childish act out of stupidity like some of the people in mIRC tho ;P get what i mean…

i’ve been there and i’ve thru it all…so its all in the mind of the intelligent of doing things the right way…i know i’m fat but i’m quite puzzle tho that HIS gf is also fat but doesn’t it the same as saying me fat and HIS gf fat…so which part of the fatz that HE can’t understand? i presume HE really need to see HIS gf extra fatness really closely tho…hhueuhuehue…cute rite… :p

oh well…at least i have clownz entertaining me in mIRC today…HE pissed off cos of me chatting and in the end he end it all by giving me a poison drone…how childish this old skinny man can be…thanks ya…u make my day…hueuheuhe… :p

taking care my lovely readers…will come up with more post aite…

this is what i’ve been thru lately…the word LOVE…really facinate me alot…cos up till now I can’t figure out what LOVE really is, the meaning, the everything that surround it…and I can’t even figure it out whether the feeling that I had for Him is LOVE or just LIKE? maybe i’ve confuse myself with these two words but nevertheless, both words seems to Rhyme alot to me…LOVE and LIKE…looks the same but the meaning is different…

Been spending two days with Him, but alas, I can’t find the feeling that I once had for Him…I used to have abit of that little feeling when i’m with Him but recently, I kinda realise that i’ve treated Him the same like the rest of my guy friends…and the best part of it, the feeling is just not there anymore when i’m with him…Slowly its just fading away…

Maybe, all along, i’ve been faking my feeling…I don’t know…maybe i’m too tired to think about what all this relationship thingy…maybe i’ve already told myself that all this relationship is nothing but trouble…trouble which only give you more burden than happiness…

I kinnda like my loneliness…nobody to care about, nobody to think about, and practically, I don’t need to think of what others felt…cos at this very moment, all I could think about is myself…I have become a self-centred person am I? …Hmmzz…how ironic…

 Bottom Line

Why are you putting things off? The time for procrastination is over — get going!

In Detail

Why are you putting things off? The time for procrastination is over, and the time to get going has almost passed! If you don’t move forward, an important person might start to doubt that you know what you are doing. And even if that is true, you can’t let them know it! It’s time to use your bravado, add some of your best guessing, and just go for it. Pretend that you have total conviction in your decisions. If you have to fake your enthusiasm, then go ahead and fake it.

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Hmmz…very co-incident indeed…everytime when i feel like this and that, the horoscope seems could read whats in my mind…hmmmz…

* i like him but at the same time i don’t have any feelings for him…how can that be? so confusing…haizz…~